Death
The last couple weeks have been pretty hard on my family. On January 21st my Step-Uncle John Hill died unexpectedly from heart failure. This was after he was life flighted from McMinnville, OR to Providence Medical Center in Portland, OR the day before after a heart attack and an emergency double bypass open heart operation. While I wasn't really close to John I am very close with my aunt Ann (his wife) and my cousins Heath and Angela (Ann's children). As most of you know Heath and I are very close, almost like brothers at times. It's been very emotionally draining for them as a family, and I'm trying my best to be there for them. John's funeral services were held on January 27th @ Skyline Cemetery.
If that wasn't enough, my girl-friend Darci's grandfather Tom Hayes passed away on February 2nd. We got a frantic call that night from her sister Amber who had found him dead and tried everything in her power to rescue him. We drove down to Salem, OR immediately to be there with our family. The situation was emotional enough, but we had to wait for two hours before the coroner showed up to retrieve the body. It's very emotional for the family, especially Amber as she grew up living with her Grandpa. Tom's funeral services were held on February 7th @ City View Cemetery.
On top of all that I've had to address and explain the issue of death to my son. I brought him along to both funeral services as I believe it's time he learns about all of this. Naturally he had lots of questions and concerns. I didn't know exactly how to go about explaining it all to him, especially since he's being raised in a split religion house hold. His grandma has already explained Heaven to Logan when their cat died. And while my beliefs don't exactly agree with traditional Christian beliefs of heaven, I chose not to confuse Logan with religious doctrine and to just use the generic heaven answer. He seemed to understand most of what I said, but had a hard time understanding how death effects the body.
At the second funeral he was more curious to see the actual corpse in the casket. I let him make the decision if he wanted to or not, and after 45 min at the viewing he decided he did want to see. I didn't bring him too close about 15 feet away and he sort of peeked a few times. He didn't understand that the man was dead, and that meant he wasn't going to move, breath, or even think. I tried to explain the principals of a soul & body to him. A soul being the voice in his head that he talks to himself with, like when he's thinking of what to say, or when he's looking at a picture. I could tell in the end that he was getting it, but still had some confusion. From some reading I've done this is normal for his age, and he won't fully understand death as a permanent state until he's a bit older. For now I left the topic be, and will likely have to talk with him more down the road. Anyone else go through this recently?
If that wasn't enough, my girl-friend Darci's grandfather Tom Hayes passed away on February 2nd. We got a frantic call that night from her sister Amber who had found him dead and tried everything in her power to rescue him. We drove down to Salem, OR immediately to be there with our family. The situation was emotional enough, but we had to wait for two hours before the coroner showed up to retrieve the body. It's very emotional for the family, especially Amber as she grew up living with her Grandpa. Tom's funeral services were held on February 7th @ City View Cemetery.
On top of all that I've had to address and explain the issue of death to my son. I brought him along to both funeral services as I believe it's time he learns about all of this. Naturally he had lots of questions and concerns. I didn't know exactly how to go about explaining it all to him, especially since he's being raised in a split religion house hold. His grandma has already explained Heaven to Logan when their cat died. And while my beliefs don't exactly agree with traditional Christian beliefs of heaven, I chose not to confuse Logan with religious doctrine and to just use the generic heaven answer. He seemed to understand most of what I said, but had a hard time understanding how death effects the body.
At the second funeral he was more curious to see the actual corpse in the casket. I let him make the decision if he wanted to or not, and after 45 min at the viewing he decided he did want to see. I didn't bring him too close about 15 feet away and he sort of peeked a few times. He didn't understand that the man was dead, and that meant he wasn't going to move, breath, or even think. I tried to explain the principals of a soul & body to him. A soul being the voice in his head that he talks to himself with, like when he's thinking of what to say, or when he's looking at a picture. I could tell in the end that he was getting it, but still had some confusion. From some reading I've done this is normal for his age, and he won't fully understand death as a permanent state until he's a bit older. For now I left the topic be, and will likely have to talk with him more down the road. Anyone else go through this recently?
posted by Brian at
8:00 PM
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