Free Food! Run Fattie Run!

It's happened again, it's like clockwork it's so regular. This afternoon one of my coworkers put cookies in the break room and then sent out an office wide "Free Cookie" email. Literally 5 seconds after the email popped up in my inbox, I could feel the floor rumbling. The water bottle on my desk was reverberating just like the one in Jurassic Park when the T-Rex was closing in. (I work on the second floor and due to the weight of all our equipment, the whole floor bounces whenever someone walks down the main aisles. Fortunately my cube is near a wall which helps to keep it from getting too bouncy). So the herd was off, a full on stampede towards the break room to get a cookie. It's moments like this that truly prove the human species has become a docile herd. We even have our own little barn stalls. Moments later all the free cookies had been devoured. Sometimes the stampeding herd can get really ugly. Just try to go in the break room during a "Free Ice-cream" time. Everyone fights to be the first in so they can make sure they can get an Nutty Buddy. I've actually seen two of them having a tug-o-war over the last one. And these are 45+ year old people! Sometimes these free ice cream days are planned, in which case the biggest fiends show up 15 mins early and stake out the break room. It's insane. This brings me to another rant about my coworkers and food. There's a lady at my work who keeps a huge box of free candy in her cube. People stop by every so often to get a little sucker or a small candy bar. It didn't bother me until she moved onto my row. I couldn't believe how many people stopped by to get a friggin piece of candy. And a lot of them stopped by multiple times per day. It annoyed me so much I started to record statistics on the candy box. Who stopped by, When they stopped by, and if possible how many pieces of candy they took. The stats were crazy, the average person stopped by 4-5 times per day, with a total of about 30 people per day. This doubled whenever she would put out a fresh batch of small candy bars. And even crazier the foot traffic started to wear the carpet. There was almost a visible worn path down our aisle that stopped right at the candy box. I was so happy when I was moved off that aisle a month later.